Dear Elysian: Photography Woes
[5 minute read]
Dear Elysian,
I have been planning my wedding for over a year now and my fiance and I are very blessed to have a lot of financial support from our families. My future mother-in-law often treads dangerously close to crossing the line and trying to control the narrative to see things go her own way. He is her only son and only child so I understand that she will not have the chance to help plan another wedding and I try to be aware of that when making sure she’s involved in the planning process. We get along okay, I like her enough but some days I feel like I am only tolerating her. I could probably write a whole letter just about her overbearing ways but the reason I am writing is because she was very heavy handed when we were selecting our photographer and I am now having regrets about letting her give her input. We felt rushed when we booked our photographer because we wanted to get someone really good, but since his parents are paying for our photography they insisted on having final say on who we hired. Her reasoning was that not only was she paying for them but she made all these reasons why her choice was the best, the most timeless, etc while my top choice was not what she considered to be traditional. My fiance and I talked it over at the time and I came to terms with it and tried to be grateful that we didn’t have to take on the financial burden, but the more I think about it the more I am dreaming of a different style of photography for my wedding. I have been considering asking my photographer if they will edit some of my photos a bit differently or even hiring another photographer so I can have both styles. Do you think my photographer will be offended? I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings but the more I think about it, this is too important to just roll over on.
Signed,
Photography Woes
Dear Photography Woes,
Wow, it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate! First, let me start by saying you are absolutely not alone in those feelings and they are completely justified. You’ve raised a number of issues in your letter I would like to address beyond just the photography questions, but I’ll answer those first!
Photography is so important - most couples pick photography as their highest priority item. That being said, I do not think you should ask your photographer to edit their photos differently to match the style you want. Photography is art and many photographers take years to fine tune their style which is their calling card. For many of the photographers we work with, I can look at a photo and know exactly who took it because their styles are so defined, both in the posing and the editing. This is why it’s so important to decide what it is you like about your photographer before you hire them, and to ensure you’re on the same page about your wants and needs. Your photographer wants you to be happy with your photos but they also want to be true to their work and produce a product that is reflective of themselves and the business they have created. It sounds like you’ve done research and understand the different styles but for other readers I will make some style comparisons below. As far as hiring another photographer to shoot alongside the one you have hired, consult your contract with your original photographer first as many professional photography contracts state they must be the only photographer working the event. If your contract doesn’t mention this, you can consider asking your photographer how they feel about it but also consider hiring the other photographer for your engagement shoot or for a post-wedding shoot so you can have plenty of photos in both styles. Also, an engagement shoot or hour long post-wedding session is likely going to be less of an investment for you than hiring a second photographer for a whole day for your wedding.
As far as the family and relationship dynamic issues you are facing with your future Mother-in-Law and your partner, have you spoken with either of them with how you are feeling or have you just been “rolling over” without voicing your opinion? If you haven’t stood up for yourself, you may want to consider doing so. It’s quite possible they don’t even realize you are unhappy with how things are unfolding, and communication is key to a successful relationship with both of them. You love your partner and are marrying him for a reason. His mother is going to continue to be around, so you’ll need to be sure you are finding ways to communicate with her too. I have dealt with all sorts of parents from the ones who want nothing to do with the wedding to the ones who want to plan every aspect, and while it’s true that some are thinking more of the social implications for themselves, parents often just want to see their kids happy. Is there any chance that she was pushing the photographer you hired because your fiance also preferred this vendor? Would he have sided with her just to make her happy, not realizing how uncomfortable you are with the decision? Communication is key and will carry you through a successful relationship, just be sure to be building on a solid foundation.
I hope this helps but please feel free to drop me a note if not!
Photo by Caley Joy Photography - I would call these colours light and airy, notice how soft the colours in this bouquet are and the greens are a bit on the cooler side.
Photo by Brady McCloskey Photography- Brady’s style is more bright and rich, notice that though these bouquets are very similar in colour and structure, the greens in Katelyn’s bouquet appear to be warmer.
*I love both of these photos, both of these styles and both of these photographers as people and am not saying at all that one is better than the other, just that they are different! Caley and Brady would both also agree with you that their styles differ and I’m sure their descriptions of their own styles might differ from mine but both would agree they want their couples to understand why they are hiring them!
xox Kristina