How to Plan a Wedding During a Pandemic
[8 minute read]
So, you’re planning a wedding during a pandemic, eh? Me too - well, quite a few actually!
Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s a really strange thing to be dealing with and I feel for you - all of your vendors do. This isn’t just a job for us, we truly care about you and want to see you happy and celebrating the way you dreamt you would. Whether your wedding has been postponed or you’re just stressing over whether or not you’ll need to postpone or downsize, there’s a good chance you’re experiencing some form or stage of grief right now. I’m seeing it a lot in my couples that everyone is at a different stage (you and your partner may even be feeling very different about it) which has meant being supportive for all of them in a different way, but there are a few key questions that have come into play in every conversation and so I’d like to share that with you.
I want to preface this by saying I am not encouraging anyone to postpone or cancel their wedding. For many couples, it’s still too early to make any big decisions. I do feel it’s good to be prepared so I want couples to be thinking of what their worst case scenarios may be, even though it’s a tough pill to swallow that you even need to consider a worst case scenario. The thing is - we don’t know anything right now. Nobody has a magic answer for you. Believe me, I’ve tried to come up with that answer and failed. We have no guarantees on how long this will last or what life will be like once restrictions are lifted. I would like to see couples holding out as long as possible to make official decisions and it’s likely that the government will be the one making those decisions for us, but the tools below might help you make a decision to which way your plan B will lead you. This is not a flow chart that will bring you to a definite answer at the end, because there’s no one-size fits all answer and you as a couple need to find the solution that feels best for you. The points listed below will hopefully get you thinking about what is most important to you which may make your path a bit more clear.
What are your personal financial implications of the current situation and would you still be able to afford the wedding you want if you were off work for much longer? If the answer is no, you may want to consider postponing or downsizing to fit within your new budget.
Does the thought of maintaining your original wedding day with a more intimate group and potentially no celebration give you more dread than the thought of being engaged longer, potentially another year if you want to keep the same season? If you really want to keep the big celebration you were dreaming of, it’s time to start finding out your postponement options. If you would prefer a small celebration, your backup planning might be a lot simpler.
If many of your guests are travelling to get to your wedding, will they still be able to make it? There are factors at play that affect them - financial constraints if they’ve been out of work, potentially enhanced screening measures at airports and borders, as well as just general lingering fear of travel or large gatherings. If a percentage of your travelling guests were to suddenly no longer be able to come, would your wedding still feel like it was worth having, or would you rather wait until they can be there with you?
Sit and examine the feelings you’re having about the wedding right now. What is more worrisome for you, the thought of waiting to find out what the next few months look like or the thought of being engaged longer than you had hoped? Let’s pretend your wedding is in August and you’re considering pulling the plug on postponing right now. If, when August rolls around, you could have had your wedding as you wanted, will you be beat yourself up knowing that you postponed too early, feel indifferent, or still feel confident in your decision?
If you’ve asked all these questions and think that your Plan B is postponing, then keep reading. If you would prefer to have an intimate celebration and the rest has become irrelevant, then you may not need the advice below. Neither one of those decisions is wrong, every couple has different priorities, backgrounds, traditions etc. so don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your decision.
The best thing to do to prepare to postpone your wedding is to be informed, plan for the worst, and hope for the best. In this I mean, first and foremost, once you’ve decided that you may need to postpone, talk to your vendors. There are a few things to consider when talking to your vendors.
If your vendor has a contract, they are likely well within their rights to keep your deposit and request a new deposit for your new date. Many contracts state that deposits are non-refundable and non-transferable. So going into every vendor conversation, assume that’s the case, and anything they are able to offer you will be a bonus. You may face a number of scenarios - some vendors may have a cancellation penalty, some may transfer the deposit to a new year but for a fee or at a higher rate, some may keep the deposit and require a new one, some may transfer and keep their same rate - the possibilities are endless so I can’t list them all but just don’t go into it with any expectations past what has already been outlined in your contract.
I have spoken with many of our vendors during this time and even though this is a gut wrenching time for them financially as well, they are all doing their best to make situations work for their couples. This means that some vendors are making exceptions because they understand this isn’t your fault - but understand it isn’t their fault either. You chose that vendor for a reason and you want to maintain a good working relationship with them, so approach the situation with a calm, level head and you’re more likely to be met with kindness and compassion. Find out what each vendor’s protocol is for this - chances are that two or three weeks ago, they had none, but many of us have formulated plans for how we are going to handle the weeks and months ahead. Also recognize that those protocols may change and evolve as this progresses.
Once you know your options, you can make a more informed decision on how you should move forward: postpone, wait it out (some vendors may stipulate they will only transfer the deposit within X days of the wedding) and evaluate later, keep your vendors and hope for a smaller celebration, etc.
If you’re still considering postponing, talk to your vendors and find out what dates they have available for you. If you’re able to find a date that works for everyone, sit on it for a little bit and ask yourself, “Did I feel a sense of relief just now?” If knowing that you can postpone takes a weight off your shoulders, it may be the right decision for you. If knowing you can postpone makes you more sick to your stomach than the thought of waiting it out, you may want to take a few steps back up to the top of this post and evaluate your priorities. Don’t assume that vendor will hold your backup date so be sure to be very clear as to whether you are serious about postponing now or waiting until a later date.
In the end, this is your celebration so nobody else can tell you what to do. Don’t feel pressured to make any decisions now. Don’t feel bad for being upset about all of this - don’t let anyone tell you, “It’s just a wedding.” Don’t let anyone make you feel like your feelings are invalid just because they’re not feeling the same way you are. Your vendors will work with you to accommodate you however they can if and when you decide to postpone, even if that isn’t for a while yet. If you make a decision because someone else has forced you to or influenced you to, there’s a good chance that you may end up stressing over it even more than you had been before. You need to evaluate your circumstances between you and your partner and come to a decision together, and only put that plan into action when you both are on the same page and feeling good about it.
If anyone you are struggling with all of this and looking for some guidance, please feel free to reach out. I know this is an awful time and I hate to see anyone hurting.
xoxo K